Caller: I need a cab Me: Where are you? Caller: I don’t know Me: What town are you in? Caller: I don’t know Me: Well I can see by the caller ID that you’re in ______________( town withheld) , so do you have an address? Caller: wait one minute…..(talking to some one else in room) hey! hey!, what is your address here? Oh okay. (talking to me) the address is _________. How long till you come? Me: about 15-20 minutes. Caller: ok I’ll be outside.
I arrive at the address and this 20 something guy, gets in the cab. He is covered in blood and dirt and vomit. His hair is all over the place and his nose still has leftover blood dried on it. He says “I have 35 dollars how far will that get me?” I said “where are you TRYING to go?” He gave me a town about 70 miles away from where we were. “I ain’t gonna get you THERE. ” I said. “It’ll get you about to the shopping mall.” I had to ask what the hell happened to him. He told me he had gone to Sauget with his buddies for a night out. He was drunk and his buddies wanted to go home, he didn’t. The last thing he remembered was being at the gas station in Sauget and fighting with his buddies about not wanting to go home yet. He told his buddies “F#ck you!” and got into a car with some black dudes, who told him they would take him to a party. He said the next thing he knew , he woke up in the backseat of a car in _______( a town 30 miles from Sauget, where I picked him up). He went to the house the car was parked in front of, to ask to use the phone and this kid, some 12-year-old ,answered the door. He asked her could he use her phone. She asked him why he was so dirty. He told her that he woke up in the back seat of that car our there…to which she exclaimed “that’s my DAD’S car!” The kid told him her parents had just left to go shopping, but that he could come in and use the phone if he wanted. That was when he called information and got our taxi number. He said the kid told him her address and now he was sweatin’ it because he was gonna have to call his wife and have her to meet him at the shopping mall. I told him that he better not go INSIDE the mall looking like that, or you’re gonna have security on you. He looked down at his clothes , he hadn’t realized he was covered in various body fluids and dirt. “Sh*t ..how’d I get like this??…Did I get in a fight? …..Damn.” I said God must have definitely been with him to crawl out of that kid’s dad’s car unnoticed by dad. Then to have to good fortune to have the kids parents walk right by him unconscious in their car to go shopping and leave the kid home alone. He was blessed that the kid answered the door, cuz only a KID would have let his dirty bloody ass in to use the phone after learning that he had just gotten out of her dad’s car. An adult would have either beat your *ss, or called the cops. No, the kid lets you in to use the phone. “Damn…” he says” I really don’t hope my wife doesn’t kill me. Can I use your phone to call her? What am I gonna say to her??” I told him the best advice I could give him was that for the next 5-10 years, WHATEVER she says about this incident just say “Yes, dear…”
taxicabtales 
Hilarious!